Fun

August 15, 2001 Fun

Conference.NET Song Lyrics

King of the Code

Sung to “King of the Road”

Platform for sale or rent
who cares where all the others went
no more pointer, pushes, pops or peaks
I ain’t got no memory leaks
I wrote ten lines of C# today
I was more productive than yesterday
I’m a programmer of mean by no means
I’m a king of the code

I feel sorry for those guys at Sun
DOTNET has got them on the run
But when I hear Scott McNeally whine
I say stick your VM where the Sun don’t shine
Most folks agree VB DOT NET
Is the best version of Java that we’ve seen yet
I’m a programmer of mean by no means
I’m a king of the code

You C guys think all this stuff is new
A friendly runtime that hides the goo
I’m a VB guy, better watch out for me
’cause I’ve been writing managed code since 93
Database code’s busted — no time to cry
Patch it all to the newest API
I’m a programmer of mean by no means
I’m a king of the code

New waves they come and go so fast
COM was love, but love don’t last
If COM was love than what’s DOTNET
It’s love without the cigarette
DOTNET will be here till we all get bored
Then we’ll throw it away and invent DOT-ORG
I’m a programmer of mean by no means
I’m a king of the code

Wild Side

Bill G came from Seattle WA
Spread .NET across the USA
Plucked out pointers on the way
Shaved ref counting - started sporting GC
He said Hey babe take a walk on the wild side
Hey babe take a walk on the wild side

Chris Sells never once threw one away
In the end, he had to pay and pay
An object here, and object there
Memory is the place where they say
Hey Chrissie, take a walk on the wild side
I say hey babe, let’s going back home and finalize

And the .NET girls go
Do do do do do do do do do do
do do do do do do do do do
doooooooooooooooo ah
 
<break>The musical stylings of Francesco Balena</break>

Jon Flanders came from out of the heartland
With ASP he’s was everybody’s darling
But he never lost his head
Even when they told him COM was dead
I said hey Jon, take a walk on the wild side
I believe they call it Interop-O-cide

Brian Randell came and hit the streets
Hoping .NET would bring inter-language peace
He hates it when those bigots say
C#’s for work, VB’s for play
I say hey Brian, take a walk on the wild side
It’s curly braces that make your code bonafide

My friend Don Box, he’s just coding away
Though he was James Joyce for a day
Yeah I guess Don’s pretty smart
But he mistakes his code for art
I say Hey Don, take a walk on the wild side
You’re just a liquor salesman, it can’t be denied

And the .NET girls go ….

And the .NET girls go
Do do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do do

Bill G and the Feds

Sung to “Bennie and the Jets”

Hey kids - you wanna see a scene-o
Let’s watch Billy Gates get it on with Janet Reno
We’re talking anti-trust now - so stick around
Gonna rack legal bills that know no bound
Hey Joel Kline he’s on the case
Oh man he’s so spaced out
B-B-B-Bill G and the Feds
Billy he’s so silly and litigical
The center of a courtroom scene
He’s got those Harvard roots, class action suits
You know I read it in a magazine - oh yea
B-B-B-Bill G and the Feds

Hey kids, go crank up your browsers
You’re in for nasty weather, gonna make you wet your trousers We’re
gonna stifle competition with such as sense of ease Gonna bring those
bastards from Netscape down to their knees Hey Judge Jackson, have you
heard this case Oh man, his ruling was so spaced out
B-B-B-Bill G and the Feds
Billy he’s so silly and litigical
The center of a courtroom seen
He’s got those Harvard roots, class action suits
You know I read it in a magazine - oh yea
B-B-B-Bill G and the Feds

Bill G, Bill G, Bill G, Bill G and the Feds…
Bill G, Bill G, Bill G, Bill G and the Feds…

DevelopMentor’s Conference.NET
Sung by the .NET Band on the Runtime

Mr. June, 2000 August 15, 2001 Fun

Mr. June, 2000

Nothing comes between me and my technology…


All pictures courtesy of Jason Whittington’s most excellent PhotoShop skills.

See the parody by Ted Neward inspired by this picture.

August 5, 2001 Fun

Some MORE signs that you may be taking COM too seriously…

  • Your weekly beach volley ball matches are between teams named ‘Proxies’ and ‘Stubs’.
  • You read ‘ATL Internals’ while waiting in line for the next ride at Universal studios
  • You are locked outside your house without your keys and the sticky note at the door reads ‘CoLockObjectExternal’ when your wife gets back.
  • You ask your bank if they can send your monthly balance statements in XML format.
  • You return your neighbor’s telephone call saying it was an interapartment callback.
  • You ask your cable television company if they support Channel Hooks.
  • You decide to do some detective work by night and call yourself the IMallocSpy.
  • Your kid asks you what a female Ox is called and you reply OXID.

Aravind Corera
Originally written for IDevResource
Private Email

Can I still be evil? July 15, 2001 Fun

Can I still be evil?

June 18, 2001 Fun

Limerick

A programmer who coded in C
decided he hated GC.
“It’s bogus” he said,
“I keep track in my head -
and always remember to free!”

Jason Whittington [jasonw@develop.com]
Private Email

June 14, 2001 Fun

The .NET

A parody of Eddy Poe’s “The Raven”

Once upon a platform tired, while my code was stranded, mired in a pool of leaky pointers running up the mem’ry load, while I started to debug it, suddenly I screamed “Oh f*** it!”, and decided to just chuck it in the hallway guest commode.
Then discovered: managed code.

Ah, distinctly I remember, bugs caused by a private member, and later having to call AddRefs and Releases by the busload, These things, they fill me with regret, time wasted on pointer management, Now, simply Fire And Forget! Oh the freedom newly bestowed!
Thank you, thank you, managed code.

Of course the bloat is sometimes scary, and IL can be kind of hairy, And there’s this Tower of Babel thing that is threat’ning to explode. I mean, Perl and Python and Eiffel and all the scripting langs are just a ball but please, for God’s sake, NOT COBOL! Java, even, but not THAT toad,
running in my managed code.

I traded in my GIT and SCM, my registry (which was kind of dumb) and in return I got C# and the CLR, my new abode. And VS7, though often crashing, as a tool is really smashing. I shan’t bore you by rehashing the gifts .NET has bestowed.
Just be grateful: managed code.

Justin Gehtland [ justin@DEVELOP.COM]
brains@develop.com

June 1, 2001 Fun

Why I Will Never Offer Don Box A Ride Again…

Read all about it…

Rohit Khare
Posted There: Fri, Aug 2, 1996 20:27:42 -0400

April 15, 2001 Fun

College Fun

I spoke at a college last week for a friend of mine who’s an adjunct professor (Cal Caldwell). During the talk, one of the male attendees bolted <sigh>, but on his way out, trusted sources say that, when sighting a young coed whom our our bolter was clearly interested in engaging with in some way, he said, “Hey! Do you know who’s in there? Chris Sells!” Clearly this young man was misguided in his attempt, but I’m glad to hear that someone thinks that using my name will help in attracting members of the opposite sex. It’s never worked for me… : )


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