Boogers and My Writing Process

I’m supposed to be writing today, but John (my eldest son) is also doing some writing as part of his homework. However, after watching him struggle with just the topic (the phrase “Always aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll end up among the stars” [which isn’t even the correct quote]) to try to write the fully-formed essay, I give him a little lesson about how I write. Plus, since I’m supposed to be writing, this blog post is an excellent avoidance technique.

When I write, I told my son, I have to write giant books starting from empty pages. I can’t just have a topic and start writing, I have to have something to break up the whitespace first. So, as a demonstration of this technique, I asked the fruit of my loins, an apple from my tree, for a topic. He said, without so much as a second of hesitation, “boogers.”

So, we started by brainstorming booger-related topics:

• can be dry and crunchy
• can be wet and chewy
• flick ’em
• eat ’em
• wipe ’em
• come from noses
• wipe ’em on somebody
• wipe ’em on tissue
• wipe ’em under something

The brainstorming is just a list of facts in whatever order I think of them that I know about the topic that I may or may not decide to share with my readers. While brainstorming, I don’t judge — I just type whatever comes up. After brainstorming, I spend some time rearranging my facts into some kind of outline to lay out my order and my main topics into which the facts fall:

• intro:
• what they are
• formed from dust and other irritants in the air
• can be dry and crunchy
• can be wet and chewy
• come from noses
• how do I get ’em out of my nose:
• Kleenex
• finger
• friend’s Kleenex
• friend’s finger
• what do I do with ’em now that I’ve got ’em out of my nose:
• flick ’em
• eat ’em
• wipe ’em
• wipe ’em on somebody
• wipe ’em on tissue
• wipe ’em under something
• straight blow in the shower
• summary
• overrun (although I’ve decided I don’t want in my finished piece)

During the outlining phase, it’s often the case that more facts come up and sometimes even whole categories of facts. As you’re forming the story, that’s when the gaps make themselves clear. At this point, I generally jump into the first fact, turning it into the first sentence, adding supporting sentences, transitions to the second fact and so on. Sometimes, though, especially with shorter pieces, I’ll write the summary to make sure I’ve got it in mind as the write the entire piece. This idea of the story that I want to tell is what Don Box calls “the spine,” and it’s the most important part. Once you’ve got the spine, everything else falls into place.

summary
Boogers happen to everyone and they’re good for you. However, when there are too many, you gotta get ’em out. I recommend that you use a combination of Kleenex and your finger (for those hard to reach spots). You should make sure to throw the Kleenex away and wash your hands, although the shower straight blow is a good alternative. You should never, ever flick or wipe your boogers on something besides Kleenex, because who wants to find them?

At this point, I’ve gone from a blank sheet of (virtual) paper to a place where I know the spine, the details and the ordering; most of the hard work is done.

Obviously, brainstorming + outlining + summary + details = completed essay isn’t exactly a unique perspective on the writing process. Still, how often does one get the change to turn boogers into a positive learning experience for one’s progeny? : )